This was a post I used to fantasize about writing for years. I’m beyond excited to be putting my dreams into action and pursuing a career path in something I’m both passionate about and fascinated with. I firmly believe you need more than just passion to fuel your career and have that career be sustainable for you. It’s easy to let burn out rob you of your passions. You need obsession and fascination to help mitigate the effects of burnout. You need that X factor to keep you curious, to fuel your growth, and to challenge you. I can confidently say the field of Nutrition and Dietetics is both my passion and an area of extreme fascination for me.

A Little Background for Context

I got my B.S. in Environmental Engineering at California Polytechnic State University San Luis Obispo in 2015 and have been working as a water resources engineer in the private sector as a consultant for the past 4 years or so. I enjoyed many aspects about my time at Cal Poly…except the classes I was taking. I pulled off excellent grades in all my upper division engineering courses, such as fluid dynamics, air quality control, thermodynamics, and mechanics of materials. I even taught upper division calculus workshops to help other students understand the material. But there was no fascination for me. Instead, I felt more resistance than the desire to learn more. This made every class feel like a chore or an impossible obstacle. I also felt tremendous amounts of guilt for having the privilege to attend such an amazing engineering school, but feeling no connection whatsoever to the course material.

I beat myself up for not having the same curiosity or appreciation for the coursework as my classmates. I also hid my thoughts and feelings because I felt embarrassed and shameful. I was one of the top students in my graduating class, but my heart wanted nothing to do with engineering. I didn’t express or act on how I was feeling, which fueled the inexorable feeling of inauthenticity that was slowly taking over my body. I continually worked through my coursework, completely dismissing the weight that my disinterest was creating.

As you would expect, my resistance to the field of engineering morphed into stress, which definitely contributed to my health journey. Looking back on the majority of my 20s, I was not happy and I was definitely lost. I felt heavy and hollow all at the same time, trapped, and the guilt was internally destroying me. I have felt so out of alignment with who I am at my core all because I was embarrassed or ashamed to admit that I made the wrong decision. I let my ego win and continued pursuing engineering because the adulation I would get from friends, family and strangers about how amazing it was that I studied engineering and now work as an engineer. Those comments were what kept me going over the years-not my passion, fascination, or obsession.

It was completely unsustainable for me. As I navigated my early 20s, I quickly discovered that life is much more about how much you accomplish and how well you excel at work. As an ex-competitive athlete, I’ve always been very goal driven and competitive. Each year at my engineering job, I would continue to strive to be the best employee. I would put in the extra hours even when I felt sick. I would take on the difficult projects that no one else wanted because the high I would get from receiving positive feedback from my supervisors was the only thing that fueled me…until my body and soul couldn’t do it anymore.

Almost every day, I would torment myself with thoughts on changing my career path, but I would never act on it. The entire time I was in school I knew engineering wasn’t right for me, but I pushed on because it was what felt right for everyone else. When chronic Lyme began to really take over my body, I had less energy to put towards things that I loved doing, which perpetuated the feelings of unhappiness. The energy I did have would go towards work, which left me feeling hollow. I completely lost myself and forgot who Skylar was.

It took me getting sick with chronic Lyme disease, it took me having multiple emotional breakdowns, it took me hurting people in my life who I cared about, and it took me finally admitting I was wrong to not make a change. The weeks prior to me resigning from my engineering job were agonizing. My anxiety was through the roof and I felt like a shell of a human. Three days before I spoke to my supervisor about resigning, we were traveling to San Jose for a client meeting via the Amtrak train. My anxiety was so bad that I physically couldn’t eat all day until I got home later that evening. Instead of voicing how I was feeling, I kept pushing through and blamed it on having a stomach bug and feeling motion sick on the train. When I got home, I was so emotionally fatigued and exhausted. The next day, I had a doctor appointment to go over my latest lab work and new treatment protocol for my ongoing health issues. It was after that appointment I told myself I need to quit my job and make a change.

Something in that appointment gave me the permission and the green light to take care of myself; make a decision because I want to make the decision, not because someone else is giving me the directive to make a change. I’ve always been a rule follower and highly obedient. This is a trait that can be admirable in certain situations, but can also lend itself to being someone who is continually pleasing others while neglecting their own needs.

Naturally, I was a nervous wreck going into work the day I resigned. I felt silly telling people I wanted to go after something I was passionate about. I initially looked at it as a failure; like I wasn’t good enough so I had to start all over again in life. The flood of emotions that left my body the minute I spoke the words to my supervisor, “I need to make a change,” was the most therapeutic feeling. My shoulders lowered, the knot in my stomach untied and I felt my fists unclench for the first time in years. Everyone I left behind at the engineering firm, though sad to see me go, were my biggest cheerleaders.

Despite the narrative I sometimes tell myself, people want to see each other happy. They want to see each other energized and thriving in life. They want to see us passionate, obsessed and fascinated with life. I was too good at hiding what I was feeling, so I never gave them a chance to accept the true me and discover what it was that lit me up.

When Life Hands you Lyme

Chronic Lyme disease was the permission slip my rule-following self needed to board the bus to my dream destination. It just so happens that Lyme disease is also what ignited my fascination with the science of nutrition. For the past 7 years, I’ve used dietary changes to improve my quality of life and give my body the tools it needs to manage this insidious disease. I believe my Lyme disease symptoms are more manageable than what my lab results indicate (I have A LOT of Lyme activity, heavy metal poisoning, multiple co-infections, etc.) because of my efforts to use food as medicine.

During my engineering job, I would listen to podcasts on topics related to medical nutrition therapy. In my personal time, I would attend talks on epigenetics and the microbiome. I would educated friends and family on how to read an ingredient label. I started a food blog. I slowly found my niche and fascination. And I was good at it. I was able to inspire people along the way to take a deeper dive into their own health, change up some eating habits that weren’t serving them, and reinforce their own desires to feel good. Knowing I’m improving the quality of someone else’s life, while also evoking a feeling of gratitude and satisfaction in my own life, feels like magic to me.

Engineering was extremely challenging to me. But it was the type of challenging that leaves you feeling like you’re drowning (at least for me). I never felt the feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment. Nutrition is also extremely challenging to me. But it’s the type of challenging that leaves me feeling like I’m walking on water. I feel an immense amount of satisfaction, accomplishment and most importantly, happiness.

I’m finishing this blog post about one year after I left the world of engineering. I’m about 8 months into grad school. I’m about 6 months into my Lyme treatment protocol. I do not have my life figured out, but no one should. That would be extremely boring. I look forward to continuing the journey I’m on at this point in my life because I don’t know where it will take me. I hope this post reaches someone who needs to read it; someone who has been agonizing about changing their career or someone who feels stuck or someone who has a burning desire to try something new. You don’t need to get chronic Lyme disease to shake things up. In fact, I don’t advise that at all haha. Here’s me giving you that “permission slip” to go after your goals.

For future nutritional advice, I’ll be a Registered Dietitian sometime in 2023 if all goes as “planned.” Feel free to reach out for future nutrition consultations! In the meantime, I’ll keep you inspired with recipes and cool facts about our gut microbiome.